1 Thought:

The Turkish Cult Leader and Muslim Televangelist Harun Yahya was famously quoted saying…“I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the Earth, then I ask myself the same question.”

Despite his litany of terrible actions and now sentenced to over 8000 years in prison and having been convicted of over 24 crimes (sentenced in 2022) it is an absolutely amazing and thought provoking quote.

Proofreading this, I recognize how odd a choice I made of people to quote to open this blog, but hang in there and it might make sense why I chose it.

Breaking down the quote a little bit is necessary I feel. The word “choose” hi-lites the fact the bird is making a conscious decision to stay on the branch. Unsure if a bird has the cognitive skills to realize that the inverse of that “choice” is choosing not to see the world.

“I ask myself the same question”. The act of self reflection and owning the fact and accepting that whether it’s the job we are not happy in, or if its the relationship we know isn’t working or isn’t making us happy that we are choosing to do nothing about it. We are still holding tightly to the branch. Nothing is permanent unless we allow it to be.

There are countless reasons people hold on to the branch and don’t make what they feel is the better move in a relationship. 3 of the more common reasons for remaining in a bad personal relationship are the “fear of abandonment” stemming often from past traumas, “future loneliness” which could stem from lack of self esteem or lack of confidence, or the “fear of the unknown” which is just that, a paralyzing fear of simply not knowing what is “out there”. Many of the fears are rational some are not.

As for the fear to make a big career change if unhappy one of the most common is financial dependence. We are scared that we aren’t perfect enough to replace what we have economically, so we stay regardless of our dislike.

Common to both career and personal is our “hope for change”. Despite maybe no evidence that your other half or employer will change we maintain an unwarranted hope. Lastly “loss of investment”; I’ve worked here for “X” number of years or have been in a relationship so long its pointless at this time to start over from scratch.

There are countless more reasons why we all at some point past or present have been afraid to fly.

What can we do to get past wishing and complaining and start doing something about it?

A Few Actionable Steps:

Work:

Consider updating your resume; make it longer than what you’d traditionally provide a would-be employer. I want you to list all your skill sets and accomplishments, big or small, and literally brag on yourself. Not a time to write a fiction novel but a time to really sell it. Once completed for maybe a full week or two I’m suggesting you read it end to end each day and if you noticed you missed something add it.

If you do this well enough it should boost your self esteem and net worth. Realize how valuable you actually are; it’s easy in the wrong work environment to not remember sometimes.

Propped up on your actual worth it’s time to take what you want. Be the influencer at your work that drives the change or get off the branch and showcase your talents elsewhere.

* Disclaimer – if when doing this you find out that you might be the problem that is also a positive gain from this exercise. You now know what to fix. Issues aren’t always the product of the environment, it’s us sometimes too.

Relationships:

Relationships aren’t really that different from work to fix. Much like the resume you might consider what you put into the relationship and also make a list of what you take from the relationship.

Not all debits and credits are equal so when this list is complete you might want to rate them all on a scale from 1 – 5. 1 being something minor and 5 being something that is of great value.

Is this list of “gets vs takes” extremely lop sided?

* Disclaimer – take some time with this list just like the resume and make additions or corrections and if you’re the problem its time to get to work but if your not maybe its time to talk with your partner and share your list and ask for their feedback. Who knows they might have a list to share as well.

1 Question:

The question I’d suggest is are you willing to make the leap if you do your homework and realize it is the best thing for you. It takes courage to change but we only get one life so make the most of it.

Change is a Choice!

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